DON'T COMPARE

 

Photo: Mike with Rebecca, 2023

DON’T COMPARE

By Gail K. Kachnycz; 05 March 2024 

     There have been times when people have said to me, “You are so patient,” or “You are such a good care-giver to Mike.” I acknowledge their encouragement and support, but there are times when I think to myself, “I am a spiritual wimp.” This often happens during a coastal storm, when the wind and rain are whipping against the house and I check the locations in the kitchen and basement where there have been leaks in the past. My inner conversation starts out, “Well, even if there are leaks, at least you have a house, you are not homeless,” and progresses to “You should be grateful you are not a refugee because your country is at war,” to “You are a spiritual wimp.”

     Yes, I do need to be grateful, but this train of thought, comparing myself to those who have less than I do, is just as wrong as coveting the possessions of people who have more than I do. The same applies in spiritual matters. In John Chapter 21, Peter asks about what may happen to the disciple John.

When Peter saw him [John], he asked, “Lord, What about him?” Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.” John 21:21-22 NIV 

     There is a parallel in care-giving. Don’t compare your care-giving experience to someone else.

     I have a dear friend, Donna, who has a daughter with special needs. Although Rebecca’s birth was difficult, she did well as an infant and toddler. Concerns were raised when she was not starting to talk at age three years. Initial referral for evaluation led to further testing. After several more years, a rare genetic cause was identified.

     Donna had three children older than Rebecca, and she supported and encouraged them all to achieve their full potential. I was in awe of her patience to help her youngest daughter through therapies to address delayed development in speech and other areas. There were additional medical conditions related to the genetic defect, requiring appointments with specialists, tests, and medication adjustments. Donna kept a notebook to organize all the medical information, so every doctor had the full picture. Donna also advocated for her daughter at the annual meetings at school to set up Rebecca’s Individual Education Program for the next year. She did all this while working full time as a cardiac nurse, and serving in leadership with her husband at church.

     Today Rebecca is a lovely young woman. She is eager to attend her adult day program and also participates in dance class and Special Olympics. She loves Jesus. Donna says, “Whenever we have a problem, Rebecca’s first response is to pray. She is our ‘Prayer First Responder’.”

     Since he first brought a turkey dinner to the family the day she was born, Mike and Rebecca have had a wonderful friendship. She calls him “Uncle Mike” and prays for him every night, “to have enough doctors and nurses, and no pain.”

     For over twenty years I have watched Donna and her husband Dan cherish Rebecca as a precious daughter, care for her, advocate for her, and seek to help her live her best life. From time to time, I have said to myself, “I don’t have the patience or grace needed to be a good parent for a child with developmental challenges.” I am probably right, because God didn’t ask me to be that parent. Instead, He gave me the patience and grace to be the suitable helper for someone with chronic, progressive illness. 

     The author of Hebrews writes these instructions as Chapter 12 begins:

     Therefore, since we also have such a great cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let’s rid ourselves of every obstacle and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let’s run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking only at Jesus, the originator and perfecter of the faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2 NASB2020 

     Central to the passage are the instructions

Let’s run with endurance the race that is set before us (not someone else’s race) looking at Jesus 

     Don’t compare, just follow Jesus, and do what He asks of you.

Behind a special needs child there is usually a pretty special mom. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!